9 April 2007 We Would Like To Formally Announce That

It seems as though we cannot read the news these days without being drawn into what is already being dubbed "the 2008 Presidential Primary." Though it is still in the first half of 2007, the race is already, um, racing at a torrential pace. (Note: due to faults in the English language, there was a period of time where we believed the "presidential race" was actually a run. We began training and everything! We got up to 30 miles a day. Currently we are hoping to be able to walk again someday.) At this point in time we feel that we would not be doing our readers (all one of you. Hi Dad!) justice if we did not throw our own hat into the ring. (Note: We at Taste No Evil individually are not old enough to run for President... but TOGETHER we are amply middle-aged enough. We could run the country by committee, much like what Congress does except without all the alcoholism, embezzlement and sexual harassment... OK, fair cop, we might adopt much of that.)

So while we are starting our campaign — sorry, "forming an exploratory committee into potentially running in 2008 which is tentatively being called 'The Taste No Evil 2008 Presidential Run!!'", we will, over the next year or so, analyze, break down, discuss, scrutinize, eyeball, inquire into, investigate, probe, scan, survey and check out (did you see the butt on that guy? daaaamn) the other contenders in the race.

This will be done by picking names (of potential candidates) randomly out of a hat.

So we start out our examination of the presidential candidates with:

Tom Vilsack

Tom Vilsack Tom Vilsack

Oh wait... he has already dropped out of the race. With his V-for-Vendetta-like logo, this ex-governor of Iowa was running more of a Z for Zero type campaign. Luckily, someone convinced him that his "views" were the same as every other person running on the Democratic ticket and that he might better grasp desperately at V for Vice President.

Moving on to...

John Kerry

John Kerry

CRAP, another also-ran. The election hasn't even started! Wow, we are screwing up — oh wait, he screwed up the last election and lost. Oh wait again, that was rigged. Still, for the sake of argument, we will blame him for that, and similarly we are going to blame him for this mistake too rather than those who actually are responsible... who would that be?

(Does it concern anyone else that it always looks like he is wearing pink lipstick? Not that there's anything wrong with that.)

OK, well, I guess while we are on a roll we might as well finish off those who have already dropped out. Or, to put it in racing terms, those who are DNF's. So the rest of the CURRENT DNF's are...

Bill Frist

Bill Frist

Bill "the Doctor" Frist is best known for his attempted diagnosis of Terry Schiavo via VHS tape where he questioned the prognosis of the doctor who had actually examined her. After her death, the autopsy showed that Frist was "waaaaaaaay off," as one doctor put it. "Bigtime," as another doctor put it. Perhaps if a DVD had been available, it would have been a little bit clearer. Frist dropped out of the 2008 presidential race due to "God" and other potential proverbial skeletons in his closet.

And finally...

Mark Warner

Mark Warner

With a campaign that mostly focused on his jaw line, record as VA governor of 2 years (damn term limits!), business record (2 failures, one success [that's a solid 67%!]) and jokes about owning a cell phone company ("I am going to have to ask you guys not to turn your cell phones off. Every time I hear a cell phone, in my head, I hear cha-ching. And that gives me a dull headache!") [riot! - ed.] How could his campaign not get off to a rip-roaring start? Da' nuhh, the numbered you dialed is not in service at this time.

With luck the next article will get more to the meat and potatoes of the candidates of the presidential run let's see who will it be... oh. Newt Gingrich!

Wow, with candidates like these, Taste No Evil's 2008 Presidential Run is lookin' pretty fine from this side of the screen.